traversing twenties: with Loran Hills

If could reach back through time and have a heart-to-heart with your twentysomething self, what would you say to her? 

She’s in her twenties, that glorified period of life when she’s supposed to be discovering herself, deep in exploration, living her most defining decade. And yet.....she may feel like the exact opposite. Or exactly that. Or somewhere in between. She probably doesn't even know.

Maybe you pour her a cup of tea, look into her eyes, wrap her in a hug.

What do you tell her? 

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Today's letter comes from Loran Hills, and it's another beautiful one. She writes to her 22-year-old self, of her experience with trauma and grief. Loran and I have connected all over the online world and I'm so honored to have her here in this space today. Thank you, Loran:


Prologue: 

When I was 22, my first lover, Casey Allen, died suddenly.  It was a terrible shock but not altogether unexpected.  He was reckless, handsome and charming. 

Prophetically, a year before Casey died, I wrote this:

          Clouds block the moon’s light

          How I long to see my man

          Flames of passion in the night

          Fire the heavens with cosmic love

          Souls unite

          Unchained

          To flow with a time that is no more


There was an intense, tempestuous bond but I didn’t realize it was an abusive relationship. The language for it didn’t exist back then but the feelings and behaviors did.  I’ve chosen to write a letter to my 22 year-old self, the one who was bereaved and struggling.

Oh, you dear girl:

I know your heart is broken and your life feels shattered.  You’re desperate to make sense of a world that makes no sense at all.  You want to understand life and death but you don’t.  I’m very sorry there is no one who understands what you are experiencing, no one who comprehends your agony, and no one who will talk to you about your grief.

I’m here now.  Reading through your journals, I can see the seeds of the life you eventually manifest.  In the end, your searching pays off.  Your quest to understand comes full circle and you are able to help others.  You gain in strength and maturity.  You learn the skills that you need and want.  You become the one who nurtures, the one you longed to have in your life.

You won’t always feel so lost and alone.  You figure things out and grow into the amazing person you have always been.  Occasionally demons haunt you but know that your deep desires for love, acceptance, connection and approval are normal.  You won’t always feel wrong to want these things.  You’ll open up your heart and receive it all.

Don’t internalize Casey’s hurtful words.  Love and appreciate your youthful beauty and firm skin because this will fade like the bloom on a rose.  Stop worrying so much about your weight.  The number is not important.  What’s important is learning to accept yourself in every way.

You have always sought magic and eventually you find it.  The magic is within you.  Discover your connection to Spirit and you will do well.  Trust your intuition. 

Love yourself well.  You will be all right. 

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Loran is a travel guide on the spiral journey of life.  Her business, Loran’s Heart, is filled with journaling prompts, nature photographs, and inspirational products to help you grow and develop spiritually. Her e-course, The Seeker’s Journey, will take you on a quest to discover and manifest your inner truth.

www.loransheart.com

http://www.loransheart.com/the-seekers-journey/